Brotherly Lessons
by kayyroxx
Summary: Joe and Kevin face off in a battle of fashion vs. girls. Each is an expert in one, but knows nothing of the other. What happens when they attempt to teach each other their trades? Obviously nothing goes as planned...
1. Chapter 1

Brotherly Lessons

**Brotherly Lessons**

JOE: _Gosh I hate this place! I'm so bored! Ok, ok calm down Joe only… 45 MORE MINUTES?! What?! It feels like I've been here all day. Ok, pull yourself together Joe. You're here for Nick. Yeah…but this isn't fair! Dad and Mom aren't home this weekend I totally could have gotten away with skipping! Gosh! I love you God, but why did you have to make church so boring?!_

NICK: _I love you God. Thank you for giving me the blessing of being able to be here today celebrating your love in this beautiful church. Thank you for all you've given me._

KEVIN: _Hey there's a nice looking girl over there. And gosh are her boots the hottest boots I've ever seen or what?! Out of all 106 pairs of mine I'd have to say she wins. Wow. I've got to talk to her about where she got those gorgeous things._

"Joe, you look like your zoning out, pay attention! And Kevin, stop staring at that girl's feet!"

"Sorry Nick," They say in unison, but when Nick puts his head down to stop and pray they return to what they were doing…

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"Wow wasn't that church just beautiful? I love being able to travel around the world and seeing all types of amazing churches," begins Nick.

"Yeah...definitely" says Kevin "and all different types of people!" he adds spotting the girl with the boots.

"Yeah its uhhh…wo-wonderfull" says Joe.

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"He-ey! Love love those boots! Mind telling me where you got them?" Kevin asked, beaming.

"Yeah actually I do, because if you got the same boots as me it would mean they're gay boots and then I couldn't wear them anymore!"

"Oh...sorry."

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"Never mind, I'm with Joe. This place sucks!"

"What's wrong, Kevy-Wevy? Girly problems?' laughs Joe.

"Shut up Joe! Just because all the girls love you…"

"Just because all the girls love me what…? I'm a pro; and I'm HOT!"

"Guys be mature!"

"Sorry Nick" they apologize again.

"Well at least I can dress myself!" mumbles Kevin under his breath, hoping Nick wouldn't hear.

"I can get dressed! I could since I was five!" Joe shot back.

"Yeah you can get dressed…in like bright orange pants with a purple polka dotted shirt—or an outfit that obviously doesn't match!"

"Shut up Kevin!"

"You can't even do your own hair!" Kevin laughed, crossing his arms.

"I can too; you just…do it better!"

"I do, I do," Kevin smiled.

"Well…I'm better with girls!" Joe smirked.

"Well I'm better with style!"

"Girls are more important then style!"

"Well there wouldn't be the girls without the style to attract them!" Kevin arced an eyebrow.

"Well there uhhh...wouldn't be the style without the girls!! Oh, what now?" Joe beamed.

"What are you talking about Joe?!"

"Guys! Please! Contain yourselves! We're still on church property in the presence of God!"

"We're always in the presence of God," Kevin mumbled under his breath in reply.

"I think I should give you girl lessons! And teach you how not to act gay!"

"None of us here are gay!" says Nick. "That would be going against the Lord!"

"None of us here are stylish…. Except me! Well, no, you're not bad, Nick, it's just Joe! If I didn't dress him he'd be lost!" Joe made a face. "Yeah Joe, what are you going to do when we don't live together anymore?!"

"How about you give me style lessons?"

"Well, ok, if you give me girl lessons!"

"But if I look ugly," Joe warned.

"And if I continue to be single," Kevin continued.

"Three months!" Joe stated excitedly.

"What?" Kev questioned.

"In three months, we'll get you a girlfriend BUT I have to be fashionable and fully self sufficient," Joe said, holding out his hand to finalize the deal.

"I don't know, Joe, I'm pretty picky about my girls and I—"Kevin started to protest but Joe quickly cut him off.

"Kev...I don't think you have—ahem—room to be picky," Joe said looking Kevin over and making a rude face.

"Joe!" Kevin said, frustrated, but Joe just laughed.

"Kev, come on!" Joe said, still laughing.

"Whatever," Kevin said but he still shook Joe's hand.

JOE: "_Three months...This might just be harder then I thought" Joe thought as the girl with the boots walked but and shot Kevin a death glare._

"WELL YOU KNOW WHAT, IM JUST GONNA GO BUY THOSE BOOTS!" Kevin shouted to her, fishing for a comeback unsuccessfully.

"Guys! Seriously! Be quiet!"

"Sorry Nick!" They put their heads down like five year old and walk to their bus.


	2. Chapter 2

Kevin has set up a classroom setting, being all proper

Kevin has set up a classroom setting, being all proper. Joe is sitting on a wooden chair with a table in front of him as a desk and Kevin has assumed his position as a teacher with Frankie's toy whiteboard he got last Christmas.

"Ok Joe. Now were gonna start with the basics… colors that compliment each other." Kevin walks to the white board pointing to a color chart he drew

"What?" Joes stares blankly ahead.

"Colors that match, Joe."

"Oh, ok," Joe says with a smile.

"And colors that go well with your skin tone. For example, I have more of a youthful, luscious tone. You have more of an amber touch—"

"What?"

"Colors that look good on you!" says Kevin, getting a little frustrated.

"Oh…ok."

"So as I was saying…!"

"What were you saying?"

"Joe, just be quiet and pay attention!"

"Ok, Mr. Kevin!" Joe pretends to lock his mouth shut and throw the key away.

Kevin starts his lesson:

"Red," he starts, pointing to the red shades on his color chart, "is a physically inspiring color of passion and love. Red is extensively used in all fashion seasons. When matching reds with other colors its good to use darker shades: maroon, brick red or hot pink. Red also has violet and orange as familiar colors, so matching them with red works well."

Joe, who clearly wasn't paying attention, was doodling.

"Green color is a compliment to red—just make sure these colors are kept muted.

Otherwise you may create a really ugly clash. Blue and yellow should also be used very cautiously when matching with reds."

"Uh, ok" said Joe, nodding his head and pretending to get what Kevin's throwing at him.

Kevin continues "Green is a color which symbolizes vitality and life energy. When you match green with other clothes the key is to select the proper shades of green. Also blue and yellow look good paired with green, especially when you choose proper lightness and darkness of these colors. This kind of match is very popular for spring wear. Opposite color of green is red—they also match very well together. Be careful when you match green with violets and oranges, because an unpleasant clash might occur if you attempt to match overly bright or intense shades of these two colors."

Then Kevin goes on about how to style hair and explains the use of accessories, and when to, and when not to wear scarf's and hats and so on…

"Ok Joe, I've taught you well. Now put your newly acquired skills to use. I'm going to give you 200 to get a nice outfit to wear to the premiere tonight."

"Really?!"

"Yes Joe, are you sure you can handle this?"

"Yes, sir!"

Nick walks in the room a half an hour later as Kevin's picking out his outfit for the premiere.

"Kevin, did you seriously send Joe off with a wad of cash and expect him to come back with a great outfit?!" Nick laughed, amused.

"Well, I taught him all the basics that he needs to choose something quite complimentary."

"Well, ok….. I guess I trust your decision…"

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While the boys chat at home, Joe's off on his own adventure. As he's wondering down the road with Big Rob (pondering what to buy and how he was ever going to remember how to style his hair) he sees a huge sign saying, "Bob's barber shop."

"Oh, maybe he'll know," Joe wondered out loud.

"Ok, whatever you say, Joe," replies Big Rob questionably.

Big rob opens the door and Joe walks in.

"Hi, Bob?"

"No, my name's Robby."

"Oh, well then why does the sign say Bob?"

"Leave it, Joe," nudges Big Rob.

"Ok, um, Robby," Joe corrects himself, casting a glance at Big Rob.

"Yes," Robby answers.

"Can you give me a hair cut that's easy to do?"

"A hair cut that's easy to style?" Robby assumes.

"Yes."

"Well, that's simple!" he grins.

"What'cha gonna do to it?" Joe says excitedly, like a child.

"How bout we give you a buzz cut?"

"Is it easy to, uh, style?"

"Yes, it won't need any styling," Robby explains.

"It styles itself?! Yes this is the best!" Joe bobs his head up and down with a huge grin on his face.

Robby, getting a little aggravated, quickly pulls out the buzzer and within 10 seconds Joes beautiful locks have drowned to the floor.

"All done?"

"Well there's not anything left to cut" laughs Big Rob.

Robby turns Joe around in his spinny seat and Joe looks in the mirror

"Not too shabby!" smiles Joe.

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"Guess what Kevin?!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"What?"

"Oh, dear Lord…! Joe, _what did you do_?"

"Kevinnnnn…." Joe whined, "I thought you would be proud of me…."

"Joe!"

"I can style my own hair now" says Joe with a smile.

"Joe! You have no hair to style!" Kevin replied, horrified.

"Even easier!" Joe answerers, not understanding, as usual.


	3. Chapter 3

"Joe do I even want to know what you bought with your money

"Joe, do I even want to know what you bought with your money?!"

"Oh! Yes, I almost forgot!" Joe feels through his bag and pulls out a bright yellow suit jacket.

"Joe!" Kevin almost laughs, amazed, "Did you not listen to _one thing _I taught you?"

"I tried," Joe replied genuinely.

"Joe, you _know _this!! You have an olive skin tone, and bright, primary colors do _not _compliment it! Nick and me, however, need vibrant colors to make our lighter colored skin _pop_. You need pastels!"

"But I like the ye—"  
"Well, it'll match your hair anyway," jokes Kev sarcastically, "Not that there's much hair to match it to…"  
"Really?! Yes! See I'm not as bad as you thought!"  
"No, your not...you're worse."  
"Huh?" Joe was dumbfounded.  
"Joe," Kevin sighed, "You're a piece of work, you know that?"

Joe laughed.

* * *

"So, Kevin, basically we're aiming for you to get some hot girls," Joe explained.  
"Yes, yes. We are," Kevin replied excitedly.  
"Well, at you're age, they're more like _ladies_."  
"Joe, I'm only 2 years older then you," Kevin pointed out.  
"Well, then my girls can be ladies too!"  
"Wh—never mind, this is useless. Continue."  
"Well, you have to do something special to stand out," Joe started.  
"Like what?"  
"Well, one thing that always works for me is writing her a song!"  
"But how? What do I say?" Kevin asked nervously.  
"Tell them what you love about them," Joe continued.

"I don't know Joe…what if it's not good?"

"Come on Kev, you're just born with songwriting talent! Look around you! It's all in the genes!" Joe nudges a smiling Kevin whose hopes have been restored

* * *

"Joe! Joe! I did it! I wrote a song! I think it's really good! Not to brag, but, well you're a pro, tell me what you think!" Kevin said excitedly, running into the kitchen with his guitar where Joe was sitting.

"Show me what you've got buddy!" Joe smiled happily.

Kevin sits down on the kitchen stool, guitar in hand and burst out in song.

"_I love what you wear,_

_I adore how you do your hair,_

_I admire that your skin is fair,_

_I love the shoes on your feet,_

_Your style can't be beat!_

_We go together like PB & J,_

_Our two fashionable minds make me want to say,_

_I LOOVVEEE you!_

_And you outfits too!_

_So let's go out,_

_And design some clothes,_

_What beauties we'll make,_

_Only god knows!"_

"So what'd you think? Pretty clever, huh?" Kevin asked, eyes glittering.

"Well, um…you know what, Kev? Nick is a much more experienced songwriter. I think you'd get a lot—er, more feedback from him." An easy way to get Kevin out of the room so Joe can crack up.

* * *

Later that day ( as Kevin's moping along,) Nick was as nice as possible, fulfilling his "sensitive and caring" role of the three. But he told Kevin the sad truth, because honesty was his number one trait.

_I'll never learn, _thought Kevin to himself, passing by Joe who was watching the Camp Rock commercial for the 50,000 time.

"You enjoy seeing yourself, don't you Joe?" Kevin laughed for the first time that day.

"Well, I mean how awesome is it that I'm on TV?!"

When all of the sudden, a Disney channel "Reading makes you smart," commercial comes on. Then it goes on to say "Everything in the world you can ever know is surely found in a book in the library!" It was then Kevin got his idea. _I'll go to the library he thought to himself. Ill read one of those 'How To Impress a Girl' books!_

* * *

"Um, excuse me; do you know if you have any books on how to get a girlfriend?" Kevin looks away from the shelves he was skimming to see a beautiful ocean blue eyes staring back. Suddenly he heard nothing and saw nothing but her face. She stared back in amazement. Kevin's adorable face got the best of her.

"Was that your way of asking me out?" says the librarian.

"N—" Kevin's fishing for the words in his brain. None can be found.

"Well I say yes," She smiles and puts out her hand for him to grab. He had been kneeling to browse for books.

"By the way, my name is Cynthia."

'"I'm ke—ke—Kevin."

"Now what was that you needed help with?" she asked sweetly.

"Oh nothing, nothing," Kevin blushes, embarrassed.

"Sooo," Cynthia looks at the ground smiling nervously.

"How's my house tonight sound?" said Kevin shakily.

"Great. See you then!" She turns around and tends to the rest of the customers searching for books

* * *

Kevin dashes home.

"Joe! Joe!"

"Yes sir?" Joe looks up at Kevin.

"You're never gonna believe this!"

"What, did you write a normal song or something?" Joe replied playfully, yet serious.

"HEY!"

"Um, kidding. What's going on?"

"No Joe! I have a DATE for TONIGHT!" Kevin jumped up and down very femininely.

"REALLY?!"

"Yes!" shots Kevin, squirming.

"This is unbelievable!" How did it happen? Tell me everything!"

* * *

As soon as Cynthia enters the door she's bombarded with the words of Kevin, who's beyond eager at this point.

"I know you like to read, so I bought fashion magazines! We can read all night long!" Kevin says quickly, barely able to contain his excitement and joy.

Cynthia looks around sit the piles of magazines surrounding Kevin. She's smiling a fake and awkward smile, not knowing what to say.

Kevin's looking around and smiling with pride_. Tonight was the night!_ he thought to himself, but when he looked up he nearly hade a heart attack. Cynthia was wearing a light colored leopard patterned skirt with a gray cashmere sweater and red slim boxy glasses. The collision of ugliness made her look more like a lump then a person. Any curves she had were hidden under the disguise of terror.

"Oh dear!" He says, his eyes wide.

"What?" she asks timidly.

"That terrible shirt is washing out the color in your face. That sweater—well, nicely put, my granny's is more fashionable. The glasses aren't bad, but use them sparingly, because they don't compliment your eyes."

"Ugh!"

"Sorry, I guess I was so upset, and then overjoyed in the library earlier I forgot to look at your outfit, which let me tell you, is beyond abnormal for me! I should really see a doctor." Kevin's cracking himself up when Cynthia throws her arms down and says,

"I'm outta here!"

"No, dear! It's gonna be ok! I promise! I can save you! Kevin to the rescue!" Kevin smiles and winks at her

"I've had it! I'm leaving! You're a freak!"

"Nooooooo, don't go! You have so much potential! I'm telling you your eyes would just pop with a tender shade of peach shadow! And, oh, how your lips could shimmer! I know just the color, doll!"

Cynthia proceeds toward the door, speechless. As the doors slamming behind her Kevin yells, "It's raspberry rush with a hint of glammer glisten!"

* * *

Joe walks in quietly.

"I blew it again!" cries Kevin.

"Look. Kevin. You gotta loose the fashion."

"What?!"

"Isn't there anything you say, or, do, or think, that doesn't involve fashion?" Joe erupts, almost angry. "Kev, sometimes your feminine side starts taking over..!"

"Are you questioning my masculinity?! Are you saying I'm not…. manly?" Kev says with tears in his eyes. He feels like giving up.

"Well, no…but it wouldn't necessarily be a bad idea to start engaging in more masculine activities…"

"Oh, you just listen here! You question me, but you just wait. I'm gonna be the manliest man who ever lived!"


	4. Chapter 4

"Nick, I haven't seen Kevin around all day

"Nick, I haven't seen Kevin around all day. Do you think he's all right?" Joe asked, worried.

"Oh, I'm sure he's fine. He's probably just shopping for an 'extra special outfit' to impress that girl Claudia at the party tonight," Nick replied.

"Hmm. It's strange, though usually he'll tell me."

_Buzz_

"New text message…" Joe pulls out his phone "from Kevin: **see you at the party tonight.**"

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"Hey Joe, how manly is this?" Kevin says in a deep voice Joe had never heard before, as Kevin roles up the sleeves of his leather jacket revealing a skull and cross bone tattoo.

"KEVIN!"

"It's not permanent" whispers Kevin to Joe, but then loudly to the ladies surrounding he says, "What? It was nothing. Pain is the name of my game."

"Oh yeah. Here's the toughest guy I've ever met, right here! He'd never squeal at the sight of a mismatched outfit, and, of course, he doesn't cry like a girl when he sees spiders! Nah, this guy here is all..." Kevin interrupts Joe as Joe storms off laughing uncontrollably.

"Don't mind him ladies, I'm too tough for him to handle. Kids… when will they ever learn…?" Kevin replied, glaring at Joe. "Now, who wants to go for a ride on my brand new Harley motorcycle?"

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"Oh, no he didn't," whispered Nick.

"Well, apparently he did," laughs Joe.

Nick and Joe are watching from the other room. Girls swarm around him like bees clinging to there nest of honey.

"Joe, this isn't even funny."

"Leave it be, Nick, apparently it's working for him!"

"Yeah, well, I can't imagine anything good coming of this…"

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"Jane, you're first to take a ride on the wild side on the K_evinator_!"

He places a helmet on her head, straps her in, and they're ready to go.

"So, where to?" he asks.

"Wherever you heart desires," she smiles.

And they're off…

On a wild romantic ride…

In the middle of the i786 highway, to show off, Kevin decides to pump up the speed.

VRMMMMM VRMMMM !!

"Now that's what I'm talking about!" shouts Jane with a smile.

_Wow,_ Kevin said to himself, _Life just doesn't get any better then this…_

When all of the sudden…the vehicle goes from speeding 100mph to 0. It abruptly stops with an treacherous SCCCCCCCCRRRRRRRREAAAAAACHHHHHH!

"What's going Kevin?" Jane says in an aggravated voice through her teeth. She was trying to maintain her cool, smiling at the hot guys who passed her by.

"Ugh, uhhhh… well, I'm sure this is a situation that can easily be fixed…." Drops of sweat drench Kevin's forehead raining down like thunder.

"…..Or maybe not." Kevin drops his head to see an empty gas meter staring back at him

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"Wow, they've been gone for a while," says Joe

"Yeah, maybe I was wrong. They seem to be really hitting off their relationship strong," Nick replied.

"Yeah, I do have to say, the technique isn't half bad. I mean look at the crowd of girls waiting at the door for his return."

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He returned all right. He returned damp. Minutes after the motorcycle shut down it started to downpour. Not like a sprinkling. Like downpour…raining cats and dogs. His face was red. His hands were gritty. He had black tred marks striping his shirt.

But all that was nothing compared to Jane's moldy appearance. Her face was gray, her hair a jumbled mess of frizz. Her face damp with tears of humiliation, her dress, shredded and frazzled at the ends, and her hands dirty like a mechanic's.

"I am so NEVER chilling with you again. You're such a fricken wuss! He pushed the motorcycle for like 2 feet and he was out of breath, leaving poor, newly manicured me to do all the work! Ugh! What a disgrace! Come on girls…."

All however many-100 of them there were left the room one by one like a shotgun, shooting Kevin looks of disgust and disgrace.

"Wait.. I'm sorry… Noo!"

"Awww what happened man? Everything was working out so well!"

"Well you know what?! I blew it again! Surprise surprise…."

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The Jonas's go home. Kevin's silent all night. When they get home Joe turns on TV.

"Hey the eagles are on! Anybody want to watch with me?"

All of the sudden Kevin had a brain blast.

"That's just it!"

"You wanna watch football with me?"

"No! I wanna play football!"

"Ugh it's kinda rainy…" Joe looks out the window curelessly

"No stupid! For a team! In front of girls! I can be a jock!"

"Oh great idea! You know the neighborhood guys were setting up a game for tomorrow. Nothing special with a league or anything, but there all bringing their girlfriends… And there girlfriends' gorgeous friends!" Joe nudges Kevin suggestively.

"It's on! Now I'm gonna go to bed cause Kev needs his beauty sleep to play his absolute heart out tomorrow!"

"Nighty Kev!"

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"3-2-1 KICKOFF!"

Joe kicks the ball, it soaring in the air! Flying right in Kevin's direction! Perfect! Perfect! He's RUNNING RUNNING, faster and faster! And he catches it!!

"Go Kevin!" shouts a really hot, fashionable brunette from the sidelines.

Kevin can't help but smile back at her. Smiling at her and running simultaneously Kevin feels like he's in a dream. Everything's in slow motion. He's invincible! He's running! Running! Almost at the goal! He's being chased by 7 kids but there no match for Kevin! But then…

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Kevin opens his eyes 5 hours later in the hospital bed. All he sees are whirling colors. After a few minutes the colors come into focus and he realizes where he is

"Ahhh what happened? What happened? Where am I?" Kevin screams sitting up. Then he looks to his feat to see a whopping bright blue cast taking over his long lean leg. He feels disoriented, and once again defeated.

"Ugh, Kevin…you tripped over a stick," says Nick, stifling laugter.

"Aw, I'm such a wimp," says Kevin lying back down placing his head down into the pillow to curse himself off.

"No, no you're not!" says Nick. "You're a very special person!"

"Oh! I know just the thing to cheer you up Kevin!" shouts Joe from around the corner. He barges in with a great big grin.

"Not now, Joe" whispers Nick.

"No, really!"

"What is it Joe?"

Joe unbuttons his jean jacket to reveal a multicolored mess of a shirt. It looked like Easter egg die threw up. There were pinks piled on greens making a mushy gray. There were blurry attempts at shapes shaded in with green-ish orange.

"Ugh! You come in here when I'm in the worst mood possible to show me the world's worst possible clashing of colors fashion disaster!" Kevin was in no mood to mess around

"So much for the whole 'manly' thing," chuckles big rob under his breath, quietly to himself.

"Kevin I don't understand! You said I needed to wear pastels and look! I'm wearing a custom designed pastel tee!"

"Custom designed by Frankie?" asks Big Rob, cracking up.

"No! By meeee!"

Kevin shakes his head slowly side to side

"Joe… Joe… Joe… When will you ever learn….?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, but Kevin! Kevin! Kevin! When will you ever get a girl?"

"In 3 months! Remember!? You promised!"

"We—I mean—but—"

"You promised!"

"Oh…Why of course… and I uhhh, always stick to my promises!" Joe says with a forced smile. Then Joe looks desperately at Big Rob, who just laughed harder.

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"You know what! I think I have a plan! It's so simple nobody could ever mess it up!" Joe smiled happily.


End file.
